I chose to set myself up as an Outcast.
I chose to hear my best friends
Tell me that I am going to hell.
I chose to hear the words Dyke and Faggot
Spat through scornful lips in my direction.
I chose to lose the love of my Family.
To hear them say that I was sick.
That I was wrong.
I chose to place the dreams
Of marrying the person I love
In a file marked as classified
By popular demand.
I chose to have the doors of my church
Slammed in my face
Because apparently, I am the exception to
"Love your fellow man."
I chose to be chastised
For holding hands in public.
I chose to look over my shoulder
At every corner
Afraid for my life simply because
I fell in love.
I chose this life.
I chose to be a Lesbian.
Fortunately, few of these reflect my own personal experiences. However the countless Members of the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender) community that face these things, and often worse, every day cannot be ignored. No one, and I mean NO ONE, would chose to live through that. And the sooner the biggoted individuals of the world get that fact very clearly implanted into their heads, the sooner we can live on a peaceful planet. <3
I would never want to go back to being in the closet. Being openly gay was the best, most freeing decision I have ever made. You never know what can happen, and taking the leap for your happiness will be well worth it in the long run.
As for your question concerning how I realized I was gay: it wasn't some big epiphany or anything fancy like that. I just kind of always knew. I guess it really hit me in middle school when I wasn't interested in boys like all of my friends were, but hey, I thought my friend Hayley was pretty fricken cute! XD
Perhaps it's just part of our nature as humans to want to be right, that with each generation we've gotten bolder and bolder at telling the world exactly what we think. Be it with how we interact with others, how we talk, or how we dress. Miley Cyrus is a great example of this.
A result of this boldness is the deterioration of privacy in society - it used to be, women didn't show more than their ankles in public (because the rest was reserved to be seen by her loved one), but now women can freely dance around in bikinis or less because "I can do whatever I want and the whole world should know that." It used to be, you never made jokes about racial minorities, going to the bathroom, homosexuals, or any other 'danger topics' except for around corners in whispers to your closest friends - now comedians can shout all these types of jokes out on global television and they don't give a hoot. It used to be, you never, ever, ever, ever, EVER talked about sex to ANYONE other than your husband/wife and that one "talk" with your parents… perhaps a veeeeery quick brief-over at school about it - now, here we are, talking about sex, and I don't even know who you are!
Basically, people became bolder, privacy went down the tubes and along with it, shame disappeared. For everything. People are not even ashamed if they do a crap job at work anymore.
Now of course, people will argue that the diminishing of that shame was helpful to society - women gained more rights, outspokenness produced a (greater) need for tolerance for differences, and now we are able to educate individuals on sex to help them avoid contracting an STD or getting hurt in some other way. So it had benefits. Good came from it.
But I'm sure by now you can see how all three of these examples relate back to the LGBT community… individual rights, freedom of opinion, and openness about sex(uality). With it comes gay marriage and "pride," but also with it comes bigotry, hate, and a whole host of other issues.
So I have to wonder, if we never got so bold, if we never changed that high level of privacy, if we'd still be facing "homophobes" and hateful individuals. I wonder, if that level hadn't changed, if people would even be brave enough to speak so hurtfully to each other. I wonder, if that level of shame hadn't changed, if people would even say zip about homosexuality since it directly links back to sex. I wonder.
Of course, this wouldn't really "solve" the problem, it would push it under the carpet BUT if we still lived in the kind of society that was incredibly hush-hush about these sorts of "things," would people even KNOW it was an issue? People would suspect homosexual couples, but they likely wouldn't be brave enough to speak out about it, and likewise, the homosexual couple wouldn't be brave enough to proclaim their "orientation" to the world. So we'd just get on in life, not caring so much about sex and orientation and rights and expression, perhaps at the cost of "advancement," but at the benefit of getting along better. People would have no reason to hate you for being a lesbian because they wouldn't know you were a lesbian in the fist place.
But it could just be me and my yearning for our more "private" years (I'm one of those funny people who dislike sex being such an open topic). What do you think?
thank you so much just for making it
I agree with you very much, any church who shuts its doors to anyone is no true church of God.
I hope in the time since this comment, you have come to a realization about your identity and found peace with it, whatever it may be. My bisexual friends are some of the kindest, most loving people I have ever met. The same can be said for my straight friends. I hope that, whichever way that "might be" swayed for you that you are happy and living your life the way you want to.
And if someone is gay... I just couldn't imagine why they would be proud of it. Gay people are hated all around the world. And you gotta admit, gays are pretty weird. I don't really believe they can truely feel love. I know that there is something in their brain that makes them not like others. I can't imagine why they are that way.
But I don't know, I was high and what I said sorta came out differently
"biologically incorrect" who the fuck are you to say whats correct and whats incorrect?
so FUCKING TIRED OF INTOLERANCE!!!!!!!
And It's not tolerance. In fact, I can honestly say it doesn't matter at all. Not to me, at least.
I have different viewpoints of this now, and now I realized I don't care. It doesn't matter to me.
I'm just a bit confused as to why it matters so much.
I hate that other Christians bash on people for being gay, etc.
and yes, it's not immoral. Love isn't. You're absolutely right.
I realize that now, after hearing so much nonsense about how "any homosexual persons shouldn't inherit the kingdom of God",
"It's immoral," etc. etc.
Just let people be themselves. It shouldn't even be an issue.
Ugh, I hope this all makes sense...
I'm with you when it comes to being confused about why the hell it matters so fucking much. (sorry bout the cussing, I'm just PISSED.)
thank you, for explaining your views to me, since pretty much anyone else would have just cussed me out. and thannk you for not completely hating us.
I am a Christian, but I'm not one of those homophobic ones
Yeah, I wish it didn't matter at all...
The human race has progressed so far yet so little...
I told my mother that I could possibly be a lesbian and said i just hoped she would still love me if i was. she said that she would always love me (though she said she didn't want to approve it if I was a lesbian/bisexual, and I said okay.)
So I have a very loving mother, and I was raised to be Christian, though I still personally believe you can love whoever you want.
I am scared, as well, but my friend said that she understood...
I am blessed, but still confused...
Thank you for writing this...